Can you write a story through a set of pretend blog entries? You be the judge.
The quote of the day is genius.
“If in doubt, make tea” – Anon
So simple and can really be applied in life. Not quite sure what else to write today but that’s ok, I’m off to make tea.
Really digging this tea thing. It’s no wonder the English conquered so much of the known world, it’s really conducive to relaxing and thinking.
I read in the comments some of you scoffing that I’d missed the point, making tea doesn’t solve anything. Well here’s a quote from someone a little wiser that you my friends:
“What you do will be insignificant but it is very important that you do it” – Mahatma Ghandi
Plus Ghandi was Indian and we all know how much tea they make. So stick that in your pot and steep it!!
Still think I’m onto something here with the tea, but I could use a bigger bladder. Spend half my time heading to the toilet. Might have to see if there are any caveats that I’ve missed.
Found it (take that you scoffers)! I missed the important quote:
“But first coffee” – Anon
Double your preparation time means twice the time for thinking. I suppose you’re meant to drink both? I’m going to assume that you are, what’s the worst that can happen?
It’s taken me a few days to get the caffeine under control, but I can finally sit still at my computer again.
You know those memes with huge eyed Madagascan tree critters that claim they’ve drunk coffee and can now see noises? Yeah I used to think that was just rubbish, but I can tell you it’s true.
Have installed a couple more electric kettles in the kitchen so that I can be a chain boiler. Somehow my initial anxiety and doubts have come back with a vengeance, but tea helped last time so I’ll just try harder.
Got the unfortunate side effect of mold now growing on my ceiling. The whole room is really humid after I upgraded to a bank of kettles that I can run constantly. Not sure I can actually make tea in larger quantities without upgrading to something industrial.
Still, got heaps of time to clean the mold while I can’t sleep at nights now.
“Less is more” – Ludwig Mies van der Rohe
Less is more! What a great quote. Thank goodness I found that one, otherwise my ceiling may have started to rot from the constant layer of condensed steam.
I’ve been heading in the wrong direction. Have now downgraded (but in effect upgraded) to a single tiny electric kettle.
The doctor tells me that my blinding headaches are from caffeine withdrawals and should subside in a week or so.
I think my headaches are getting slightly better. As a distraction, here’s a totally true quote for you all:
“Nowhere on your birth certificate did it say life would be fair” – Trevor Jones
I checked mine and it doesn’t, so you can take that as gospel (well assuming you’re Australian – other countries might be different).
Can finally leave the house again without my head wanting to split open under the intense glare of the sun. I think I’ll try going back to work today.
Am wondering whether I should change my route to work. Found the following quote:
“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going” – Beverly Sills
I usually duck through the car park of Red Rooster on my walk to work. Perhaps that explains why I find it so unsatisfying? Might try going the long way today to see if it makes it any better.
Yeah well, you detractors were right on this one. Work still sucked. Must have missed something subtle about that quote.
Got bawled out by the boss for missing the last week with bad headaches and forgetting my doctor’s certificate.
OK, can’t stand it anymore! I’m blogging again. Spent the last month operating under the direction of one Elbert Hubbard.
“To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing” – Elbert Hubbard
I got the ‘do nothing‘ and ‘say nothing‘ down pat, but ‘be nothing‘ is quite hard when you’ve got people who know you exist. Firstly I got a few nasty letters from work about not showing up, but then they fired me and the criticism stopped. Ahh bliss.
Unfortunately others aren’t quite as easy to shake. Like, for example, my landlord and my Mum. Particularly my Mum who insists that I need to make something of my life. Didn’t matter how much I protested that I was trying to do the opposite. Bummer.
Good old Dr Phil has come to the rescue!
“Anyone can do something when they WANT to do it. Really successful people do things when they don’t want to do it” – Dr Phil
Wise words from a wise man. Now to find a job I really despise.
7 Apr (Update)
Am now a proud employee at an Apple Genius Bar. Well actually not proud, yeah the opposite of that, ashamed. That’s it 🙂 I’m an ashamed employee at an Apple Genius Bar!
Can’t tell you how much I don’t want to show up at work tomorrow. Will be amazingly successful in no time doing this …
Got in hot water today with my boss. A customer was complaining about how they couldn’t use their iPhone, so I decided to share some words of wisdom with them:
“Never tell your problems to anyone … 20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them” – Lou Holtz
Turns out I’m not allowed to help customers philosophically, have to stick to Technical advice. 😦
Just couldn’t help myself again today, the customer was just going on and on about how awesome his new MacBook Air was. Oh the banality of it. Had to remind him he was talking rubbish.
“If today was perfect, there would be no need for tomorrow” – Jessica Treczokat
Gently reminded him that if he kept on, he might be risking the end of the world. Apparently that’s my second strike.
Didn’t want that stupid job anyway!
“Winners lose much more often than losers. So if you keep losing but you’re still trying, keep it up! You’re right on track.” – Matthew Keith Groves
Good to know I’m on track.
So I’ve been pursuing a new avenue of investigation. Turns out I need to consider others too.
“You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want” – Zig Ziglar
My mate Roger from school has heaps of stuff he wants, so I’m going to start hanging out with him again.
“Life is ‘trying things to see if they work'” – Ray Bradbury
Rog’ gave me some white powder to try today. Turns out it does NOT work! Still I’m trying things so must have a life right?
Rog’ suggested today a way to get him some cash without the explicit consent of a Bank. He wants me to drive the getaway car.
Feel really really like it’s not something I want to be involved in – so I guess it meets with Dr Phil’s approval. Plus I’ll be helping him get what he wants. :S
I guess all the signs are pointing to yes then.
Sorry for not blogging for a while. Been in hiding since that fiasco at the Bank. You might have seen it – front page of the Courier Mail?
Anyway Rog’ finally let me come home. Man that guy can be uptight, not sure he’s the best person to keep company with. Still I’m going back to the Bank tomorrow, because as they say:
“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better” – Samuel Beckett
This is NOT your normal blogger here. It’s his Mum.
Unfortunately this will be the last blog entry for quite some time as my son has been arrested on multiple charges. As you regular readers will understand, we are planning our defense around an insanity plea. Speaking of regular readers I have a couple of bones to pick with you all:
- For those of you I know personally (and yes I can see your comments on the posts), I will be asking you in person why you didn’t forewarn me about all this nonsense! Yes Chris, I’m particularly looking at you.
- For those who so helpfully suggested other quotes to my son, be glad that he didn’t take you up on them otherwise I would have personally hunted you down and made your lives hell. Seriously, who would recommend to a blogger like this, a quote such as “To a profound pessimist about life, being in danger is not depressing” – F Scott Fitzgerald. Shame on you!
I think I can summarise my son’s current predicament by the following quote:
“Life is not short. It is long. VERY long, especially after all those wrong decisions.”