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Stay At Home Playlists #6

Welcome back after a furlough of a few weeks.  I hope that everyone is doing well as Australia takes steps back towards normality.

InTheFamily

This week has a special theme of “Keeping it in the Family“, focussing on local people, groups and relatives with whom I have an association.

My cousin’s family are an amazingly talented bunch.  From them, we get in this collection music ranging from Carson’s solos, to Emma singing in the Brisbane Chamber Choir, to original compositions done by Thomas Dron during his last two years of high school.

I play trombone in the local Brisbane Symphonic Band, and we’ve tried our hand at remotely recording pieces together during social isolation.  There’s also one I’ve thrown in there which is an arrangement I did of a Queen classic.

Finally, Lucy Francesca Dron also launched her first single ‘Questions‘ last month that you can check out.  She’s my first cousin once removed, or so Google tells me, and I’m a bit chuffed about that.

There’s such a diversity of musical style in this list that I’ve offered it for consumption in two different directions:

  • Contemporary progressing to classical (playlist)
  • Classical progressing to contemporary (playlist)

And if you’re looking for a final dessert, here’s my cousin Emma conducting the Brisbane Girls Grammar choir and strings.

Stay at Home Playlists #5

It’s week 5.  I mean … come on … week 5 of social distancing!  I really wouldn’t have realised without having a playlist counter.

It’s amazing how time can simultaneously stand absolutely still and also tally up to an extended period.  I guess it’s along those lines that my mind started ‘reminiscing’ about the 90s.

The90s

For me, we’ve now reached a distance from that decade which means I can look back on it with a bit of perspective.  Not a lot, but some.  They were some of my formative years and, at the time, seemed like the pinnacle of good taste and culture.  Oh my!

Like any period, there’s some good, some bad and some slightly embarrassing.

Welcome to week 5 of the Stay At Home Playlists!

(Also available: last week)

First up we have the 90s.  A selection of songs that I tend not to hear much these days but which were quite prominent during that decade for me.  They bring back a bunch of jumbled memories and feelings.  Awkward, slightly nervous school dances.  Painting Warhammer 40000 miniatures.  The bravado and teenage sense of humour that hangs around school lockers like the smell of warming lunch boxes.  Embedded cultural metaphors that, upon reflection, were completely lost on me at the time.

Following that, I’ve included a short dip into the music in Bojack Horseman.  Set in contemporary times, it follows the journey of a washed-up actor (Bojack) who used to star in the hottest sitcom of the 90s.  Within a world that seamlessly & unapologetically integrates humans and anthropomorphic animals as the norm, it’s a bit crazy, definitely off-beat and at times almost unbearably cynical.  However, it does redeem itself with a raw and real depiction of the struggles & disappointments that can be encountered in our current western social context.

Without offering any real answers, it’s not going to change your life, but it does masterfully cause you to think.  Part of that mastery is its use of music.  I can’t do proper justice to that here so the list offers a short selection of different tracks.  If you have watched the show, or want to get a feel for the musical integration, the final video on the list is a “Top 10 ‘Song Scenes’ in the first four seasons”.

Taking a tangent from the 90s, the Strings playlist showcases some fun covers that centre around (non-guitar) stringed instruments.  Harps, violins, ukelele’s … you get the idea.  While classical music is great, stringed instruments in this category don’t have to be constrained to only classical music.  This list demonstrates that fact.

Finally, for those who just want to put on some easy listening and travel the globe, check out the Music Travel Love playlist.  These guys seem to have the opportunity to travel the world, recording covers of songs and producing scenic videos.  The music can get a little same same, but the scenery is spectacular if you want the chance to see an alternative to your current place of residence.

Stay At Home Playlists #4

It’s Indie gigs … it’s musical theatre … it’s entertaining dance & music videos.  Plus, a bonus kid’s collection.

Welcome to week 4 of the Stay At Home Playlists!

(Also available: last week, next week)

Week4

I’ve really enjoyed combing youtube for these playlists.

First up is a bunch of Indie artists who I’ve never come across before.  There sure are some talented people out there.  My favourite of this bunch is Lake Street Dive who I suspect might be a play on the name of the 1971 song and album Lake Shore Drive (their Wikipedia page says not, but I’m sure I know better).

What most impresses me is that you can get totally absorbed in a band that only has vocals, a tambourine, a trumpet & a double bass and you have to keep reminding yourself that there’s nothing else making the great sound.  I love it.

Next up we have musical theatre.  So many musical moods that this genre spans across.  From the comedy of Mel Brooks, to the amazing vocals of Idina Menzel (who is Elsa from Frozen), to David Hasselhoff in Jekyll & Hyde, puppets in Avenue Q, Johnny Depp’s Sweeny Todd, Michael Jackson & Diana Ross in the slightly bizarre “The Wiz” and classics like Phantom, Les Mis and more …

Thirdly a bunch of videos where the video itself is the focus of the entertainment.  There’s even a version of David Bowie’s Space Oddity, recorded by Commander Chris Hadfield on board the International Space Station!

Finally, just for the kids (but adults you’re allowed to watch too if you like), we have:

  • Disney Music – Lava
  • Pinky And The Brain Theme – Postmodern Jukebox
  • Noisestorm – Crab Rave
  • You’ve Got a Friend in Me (from Toystory)
  • If I Didn’t Have You (from Monsters, Inc)
  • Aladdin “Friend Like Me” (sung by Robin Williams)

 

Stay At Home Playlists (Easter Edition)

Well, Happy Easter everyone!

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It’s going to be a different one this year being separated and in our own homes.  I just had a great interactive Good Friday time over Zoom with Village Church this morning.  Wherever you are, I hope that you get a chance to enjoy fellowship and connection this Easter.

To celebrate, I’ve put together a brief musical journey through the Easter story.  There’s also diverse collection of Beatles covers and a short made for internet musical that was created during the 2007-2008 Writer’s Guild of America strike.

Happy Easter.

Weekly Descriptions

(Also available: last week & next week)

Easter Collection

This collection is a brief musical tour through the Easter story:

  1. Prepare Ye” ~ Godspell (1973) – John the Baptist prepares the way
  2. Sweet Honey in the Rock – Beatitudes – Jesus teaches the beatitudes during the Sermon on the Mount
  3. Godspell – The New Broadway Cast: Light Of The World – Many of the teachings of Jesus were confronting for the people
  4. Personal Jesus (Johnny Cash) – Opinion was divided about this new take on religion
  5. Godspell – The New Broadway Cast: By My Side – In the lead-up to the crucifixion, the disciples were adamant that they would follow Jesus regardless of the outcome
  6. SALEM TAMPAK | Tangkhul Palm Sunday Hymn – The residents of Jerusalem welcomed Jesus with a joyful celebration
  7. Holst: Mars, The Bringer of War from ‘The Planets’ – Szeged Trombone Ensemble – Within a week, the authorities had stirred up the crowds and engineered a way to have Jesus crucified 
  8. Leonard Cohen – You Want It Darker – Following the crucifixion, the disciples were scared, confused and hiding for their lives
  9. Handel: Messiah, Hallelujah Chorus – On the Sunday, Jesus tomb was empty and the disciples testified to have met the risen Jesus 
  10. Rend Collective – Nailed to the Cross – The church to this day holds to these events as core to their faith

Beatles Collection

This collection contains a bunch of Beatles covers by all sorts of artists.

If you make it all the way to the end, you’ll find a 1 hour 20 min video of Morgan James singing all the way through “The White Album” while an artist draws accompanying imagery on an iPad projected on the screen.

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog

This is a short musical …

Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog is a 2008 musical comedy-drama miniseries in three acts, produced exclusively for Internet distribution. Filmed and set in Los Angeles, the show tells the story of Dr. Horrible (played by Neil Patrick Harris), an aspiring supervillain; Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion), his superheroic nemesis; and Penny (Felicia Day), a charity worker and their shared love interest.

The series was written by writer/director Joss Whedon, his brothers Zack Whedon (a television writer) and Jed Whedon (a composer), and writer/actress Maurissa Tancharoen. The team wrote the musical during the 2007–2008 Writers Guild of America strike. The idea was to create something small and inexpensive, yet professionally done, in a way that would circumvent the issues that were being protested during the strike.[1][2] Reception has been overwhelmingly positive.

 

Stay At Home Playlists #2

tap, tap ... hello, is this thing on ...

Why hello and welcome back to week 2 of the online pop-up concert phenomenon that is ‘Stay At Home Playlists’.

hang on you can't say that ...
why not ...
because you've only got five viewers ...
it's called marketing ...

We are THE definitive source of good musical taste in these troubled times.

what!? ...

With discerning selectivity, impeccable nuance and aplomb aplenty, we bring you a sampling platter of tunes to tantalise the auditory palate.

Week2

you're really bored aren't you ...

Enjoy !

Weekly Descriptions

(Also available: next week & last week)

General Collection 2

This collection is another variety of fun music:

  1. Huey Lewis And The News – The Power Of Love – Not sure about most people, but the first time I heard this song was in Back To The Future.  Such a great movie.
  2. I want you back // The Jackson 5 // Hudson Horns Collective – Motown has a frenetic joyful energy that’s really captured in this cover.
  3. MMMbop (Doo Wop Verion) – Check out the singer on the left of the screen.  I’ve seen him in a number of different contexts and his vocal range and ability is amazing and wonderful.
  4. SEAGULLS! (Stop It Now)” – A Bad Lip Reading of The Empire Strikes Back – I missed this training montage scene when I first watched the movie …
  5. Bill Bailey’s Downton Abbey Jamaican Dub Reggae Version – Until recently, I only knew Bill Bailey as an actor/comedian from things like Black Books.  He’s actually a good musician too.
  6. MozART group – Wild, Wild West – Just to add a bit of classical culture into the mix.
  7. Wintergatan – Marble Machine – So what exactly is an instrument.  This musician challenges the concept, combining engineering with marbles to create something beautiful.  There’s also a lot of skill required to play this instrument.
  8. Blue (Da Ba Dee)” (Eiffel 65) Electroswing Cover by Robyn Anderson – So there’s this thing called Electroswing apparently.  I’m not a huge fan but it’s still interesting to listen to.
  9. a-ha – Take On Me (Live From MTV Unplugged) – I’m fairly sure that this unplugged version is used in the movie Deadpool 2
  10. Aqua – Barbie Girl (WAY TOO SAD COVER) – There are oh so many ways you can cover a song.
  11. Mr Sandman Live in Brighton by Flash Mob Jazz – Only just found this group but they are really good.
  12. “Godspell” Cast Takes It “Day By Day” in the Recording Studio – A new production was ‘recently’ done of the musical Godspell.  I first saw that musical when it was put on by Concordia school in Toowoomba.
  13. Gospel Choir performing live with the Gorillaz performing Demon Days – A live performance of Demon Days by the band with a Gospel Choir (in London I think).  It inspired my choir’s leader to do an arrangement for us to sing.

But Why Collection

This collection is of music that I quite enjoy but that also leaves me kind of saying “But Why …”:

  1. Under Pressure/Let It Go Smoosh-Up – Puddles Pity Party – Who doesn’t want to see a six-foot clown doing a good cover of Queen.
  2. BeatSaber – Rasputin (Funk Overload) – So if you’re looking for some exercise tips, try out the dance routine from this one.
  3. I sing the ENTIRE orchestra in the Star Wars theme – OK sure … but why …
  4. Tenacious D at American Idol – again … OK sure … but why …
  5. Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra – “Skaravan” on Room Service – I really feel that these guys are channeling the type of unique Japanese craziness that their game shows also have.  I wonder how much the bed was trashed at the end of this …
  6. Flight of the Tuba Bumblebee – Canadian Brass – Is it really true that the World Record for the fastest rendition of this tune is played on the Tuba?
  7. Thunderstruck by Steve’n’Seagulls (LIVE) – It starts with a guy riding in on a lawnmower … ’nuff said
  8. 2CELLOS – Thunderstruck – Let’s bring some dignity back to the song with a classical style.  Did you notice the parody of a scene from Back to the Future at the end there?
  9. James Hill Playing The ‘Ukelele With Chopsticks And A Comb‘ – Because obviously.  I once sent this to a friend and I swear, not 2 hours later, he had posted a video of himself in full Tuxedo playing something on his ukelele with chopsticks in return.
  10. Ylvis – The Fox (What Does The Fox say?) – I once coded all day playing this song on a loop.  Probably won’t do that again.

Village Choir Collection

This collection is of songs that Village Choir (the one I sing in at the Kelvin Grove Urban Village) has covered.  Not us singing though 🙂

  1. Lorde – Royals (US Version)
  2. Billie Eilish – when the party’s over – A history of doing songs like this is why we got a reputation in the early days as The Dark Wiggles
  3. Don’t Stop Me Now (a Cappella) – This version inspired me to do my first arrangement of a song ever.  The choir humoured me and actually sang it.
  4. Tripod – Sweet Caroline – Yes this version is the one that we want to perform
  5. Fleet Foxes – Sun Giant Lyrics
  6. Fantastic Mr. Fox (Soundtrack) – Ol’ Man River by the Beachboys
  7. Paul Simon – Loves Me Like A Rock
  8. Nothing matters when we’re dancing
  9. Sufjan Stevens – The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades
  10. Down in the river to pray – COLORADO ALL STATE TREBLE CHOIR 2019
  11. Crosby, Stills & Nash (Live) – Teach Your Children – We did this as a Christmas song (for some reason I haven’t worked out yet)

Musical Discussions 2

This collection, again of background discussions of music:

  1. Sounds of the Nightmare Machine – a short look at a musician who composes music scores for horror movies
  2. James Morrison – just randomly walking around a collection of weird, rare and wonderful brass instruments.  His ability is summed up by him walking up to something and saying, “Oh what’s this” and then picking it up and playing it really well.
  3. How to imitate cello and violin on guitar
  4. The mad scientist of music | Mark Applebaum – Ok I get what he’s saying … but IS it music?  Like the piece he composed for “3 conductors and no instruments” which was inspired by an argument that he saw between two deaf people signing to each other in exaggerated gestures.

Stay at Home Playlists #1

With the COVID-19 virus causing disruption around the world and many many people needing to stay at home for extended periods, the usual cadence of our day to day lives has needed to change.  The company I work for has closed the office for most staff and we’re now working from home.

As a way to care for staff and provide opportunities to relax and be entertained, we’ve been providing suggested alternative things to do online.  This is a musical collection, curated with loving care for my community, to enjoy during the work-from-home period in our lives.

I’m opening it up to any and all who are interested.

Weekly Playlists

(Also available: next week)

This week, we have:

For those who want some details of what I’ve chosen and why, see the following paragraphs …

General Collection

This is a general list of music done in different styles to the originals.  There’s a bit of a focus on jazz, but that’s my bent:

  1. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic – Jacob Collier w/ Metropole Orkest – Jacob is a very talented innovative young modern jazz musician. I personally think he’s a genius but the way he pushes boundaries often (mostly?) takes him to places that mean his music is hard to appreciate from a popular perspective.  It’s not easy listening.  This, however, is one of my favourites and is really close to mainstream.
  2. Daft Punk, Something About Us – A cover brought to us by Pomplamoose.  I love the freshness and vibe that these guys bring to their covers.
  3. The Newfangled Four – Hello My Baby… Through the Years – A little barbershop singing (to go with the Bioshock Infinite one in the Games Collection below)
  4. MMMBop – Hanson – A cover brought to us by the Scary Pockets (who have a close relationship with Pomplamoose).  I like this version better than the original.
  5. Rajaton – Eleanor Rigby (A Cappella) – A totally different feel to the Beatles’ original (but keeping the sense of desperation and loneliness).  These guys are fantastic vocalists.
  6. Jacob Collier – Here Comes The Sun (feat. dodie) – Again a totally different feel to the Beatles’ original.  This showcases some of the boundary-pushing that Jacob brings to his music.
  7. Star Wars (John Williams Is The Man)‘ by Moosebutter – These guys got into the top three of the World A Cappella singing competition with this piece (done live at the competition).  I first heard this done by ‘The Idea Of North’ who got it from Moosebutter.
  8. “Weird Al” Yankovic – The Saga Begins – Continuing the Star Wars theme with this classic
  9. Star Wars – Duel of the Fates: Trombone Arrangement – Christopher Bill (see his appearance in the other lists too) bringing the Star Wars theme to a close with Duel of the Fates from Episode 1
  10. “The Incredibles” – The Big Phat Band (Live In Studio) – So moving on to another movie, here’s a fantastic arrangement of the theme from The Incredibles.  When I watch this, I keep thinking that it’s Chas Licciardello from The Chaser who’s playing the guitar.
  11. Viva La Vida – FUNK cover feat. Maiya Sykes – The Scary Pockets are back bringing their funk style to Coldplay
  12. Snarky Puppy feat. Jacob Collier & Big Ed Lee – “Don’t You Know” – Now we’re really getting into the style of boundary-pushing that Jacob is able to do (with a Snarky Puppy flavour).  Look how seamlessly they improvise & coordinate together as a group (and have their audience distributed in their midst).
  13. The Manhattan Transfer – Birdland – The Manhattan Transfer is one of the quintessential a cappella vocal groups.  This cover of the instrumental-only original just shows off their amazing vocal ability.

 

Cyborg Collection

This collection is in honour of one of my workmates.  After having a biking accident a couple of years ago which broke his leg, needed detailed surgery and a loooonnngggg recovery period, he recently went and did it again.  This time around, he managed to break his back but thankfully has no spinal damage.

With all the metal in his body from accidents, and a truly impressive scar running down his spine, I think we can safely say he’s on his way to merging with the singularity (no not this one, but rather this one).

So what’s in our collection:

  1. Power Down – the title (derived) track from Christopher Bill’s album “Half Man, Half Machine”.  Chris is an awesome trombone player from the US who’s heavily involved in the International Trombone Festival (ITF)
  2. Daft Punk – “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” – a 48-person trombone collaboration organised by Chris for the ITF 2019.  Daft Punk music often sounds to me quite deliberately robotic
  3. Barbie Girl – Vintage Beach Boys Style – These guys did an awesome job of bringing out the plastic in-human nature of Barbie and the attitude of cheap, abusive, at-my-convenience relationships that guys can sometimes have towards women (which is at the core of the original).  It’s also got a lot of music humour thrown in to keep it enjoyable.
  4. Bohemian Rhapsody on FLOPPOTRON – I don’t know how long it took to get the FLOPPOTRON running and program each song, but there’s even nuance and vibrato in this one
  5. Carry On Wayward Son, Maniacal 4 – Check out the electric trombone in this one
  6. Ghost in the Shell Soundtrack, Making of Cyborg – ’nuff said
  7. On the Edge – AI Generated Rock Music Composed by AIVA
  8. Sleeping Sun – Fork’s a cappella version of Nightwish song – and when they say a cappella, they mean voices only making the noises, but then heavily manipulated by the type of techniques used by electronic instruments (this is a live performance)

 

Computer Games Collection

This collection is a tribute to music from Video Games:

  1. Barbershop Quartet – God Only Knows (OST Bioshock Infinite)
  2. Super Mario Bros Themes – brought to you by the London Philharmonic Orchestra
  3. Girls Just Wanna Have Fun – 1912 Bioshock Infinite style
  4. Tetris – Fast Ragtime Piano Cover
  5. Video Game Symphony No. 4 – from Christopher Bill
  6. Everybody Wants to Rule the World – again in Bioshock Infinite but this is done in a different style
  7. Angry Birds Main Theme – brought to you by the London Philharmonic Orchestra
  8. Final Fantasy VIII: Liberi Fatali – brought to you by the London Philharmonic Orchestra

 

Musical Discussions

This collection is mainly for those interested in music background, theory or cultural aspects:

  1. Bobby McFerrin Demonstrates the Power of the Pentatonic Scale – this is a very interesting demonstration that it seems humans just intrinsically understand the Pentatonic scale somehow (part of a conference on Neuro-Science)
  2. My Life as a One-Man Band – Tommy Emmanual shares a little about his self-taught musical journey to becoming one of the most versatile and unique guitarists around
  3. Herbie Hancock – Watermelon Man – an interesting interview where Herbie shares some of the Afro-American roots of his song Watermelon Man
  4. When Bioshock Infinite Covered The Beach Boys – some detailed analysis of the music theory of The Beach Boys’ “God Only Knows” and what the arrangers did to turn it into Barbershop for Bioshock Infinite
  5. How to translate the feeling into sound – a perspective into the type of effect musicians can be trying to achieve in their music

 

A Change of Pace

It’s been quite a while since I’ve written a story.  For me it’s an opportunity to be creative and have a change of pace from my usual activities.

In this vein, I’ve also re-engaged with my love of music.  A few years ago I joined the Kelvin Grove Community choir and then, two years ago, I pulled out my trombone again after having left it in the cupboard for 20 years.

At the time, I had no idea whether I’d remember how to play but I joined the local Brisbane Symphonic Band and have not regretted it.  It’s been fantastic to be playing and singing again.

These experiences are part of a resolution I’ve made to take myself less seriously, be prepared to try things even if I could fail, and to find enjoyment in the pursuit of activities that I’m almost guaranteed not to be perfect at.  I’m never going to be a professional musician but that shouldn’t detract from the enjoyment I can still get out of it.

It’s also been really liberating to be part of two groups that approach their music with a balance between quality and having fun.  While the overall standard of the music in each group is quite different, both create a space where we can collectively enjoy playing together and accepting each other’s abilities and mistakes.

The choir in particular is unique in my (limited) experience.  It was started by Phil, a guy who was in a musical comedy act for a few years before becoming a school teacher.  He decided one day that he’d like to run a choir despite never having done that before.  After many months of two people patiently meeting fortnightly, the choir started to grow slowly.

Phil never purchased sheet music for the choir but instead did his own arrangement of songs he liked.  It worked.  It was fun and it provided an opportunity for amateurs to get together and sing.  He never turns anyone away – that’s not what it’s about.

So I think it was this spirit of generous musical fellowship that spurred me to take my first ever shot at arranging.  Inspired by a fantastic Finnish acappella group called Rajaton, I arranged “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen.

I remember apologizing a few times that year for how difficult it was for us to sing, but the group stuck with it and I think enjoyed the experience.  I certainly loved to sing it with them.  🙂

The musical bug has struck me.  I’ve arranged and even composed a few more songs since then and, not wanting to deluge those around me with requests to try them out, started recording them myself at home.

So instead of a story, tonight I’m sharing some of my arrangements and compositions.  Feel free to have a listen.

Sometimes There Are No Words

Sometimes,
When the mind is fuzzy;
Sometimes,
When thoughts congeal and stick,
And the body works on autopilot;
Sometimes,
When the walk is aimless,
And directed to investigating new paths,
New locales and stimulus for a mind that is trapped,
Refusing to acknowledge it’s blessings, and
Bringing terrors in the night.

There are no words.

And yet there are!
Here on the page they exist,
And pour forth in unexpected verse;
Trying to convey the feelings that come,
Like a vampiric friend,
A leech,
A parasite that will bring about its own demise,
with that of its host.

There are no words.

There are images,
Sensations, instinctive impulses,
And an exhausted numbness that must be respected.

Expressed in words, perhaps;
But not align to Western linear logic,
Not crafted to instruct step-by-step,
Placing one thought block on another,
Creating a path to follow to a conclusion.
Instead it just impresses,
a sense of being, and vagueness
that does not respect a planned
assault.

We must plan!
We must curate the garden that is our mind.
To avoid the weeds and tares that we plant,
Unwittingly sown, how I don’t know, into our thoughts.
But, like a garden,
Our labours can take time to bear fruit.
Like an ascent on Everest,
Planning is essential but not all.
The weather is capricious and must be respected,
And as with the mind, will alone
does not
always carry the day,
and we must
wait, impatient
or patient, while the weather
runs its
course, unpredictable but finite.

And then returns the calm.

Sometimes it seems there are no words.
But we plant and trust,
And wait,
That in time there will be a harvest.
And while we wait,
for me, there is music.

Wordless.
Accompanied by words.
Whatever.
It soothes and permeates the miasma,
Integrating with emotion at a different level.
Sympathising, uplifting, challenging;
The immense beauty that can be encoded in sound.
It is both intensely personal and communal.

A gift for which I am immensely grateful;
That soothes my tension,
And reminds me of all the other blessings I actually have,
And the feelings they will rightfully invoke in me,
Once the weather has calmed.

Sometimes there are no words.

Sometimes there doesn’t have to be.

Under Pressure

James could feel the pressure building. The stage was set, the pieces in their place and the moment of decision was at hand. Would he have the courage to follow through and be the hero he was meant to be?

The flight had started so pleasantly. For the first time in his life he’d been upgraded to Business class. His wife and he had been almost skipping through the security line in anticipation, joking about the luxury in store for them.

“I’ll be asking for scented bubbles in my spa”, James said with a knowing wink to his wife.

“Don’t be silly”, she responded. “You can’t have a scented bubble bath on a plane, the champagne they fill the tub with is already carbonated”.

With that they dissolved into sniggers of laughter at the stupidity of the idea, but in the back of their minds, images of luxury continued to ferment.

The wait in the terminal lounge seemed an eternity for them as they imagined their up-coming flight. When they finally arrived in the cabin, the beckoning leather sofas that counted for seats welcomed them gloriously into their soft supportive embrace like the arms of a lover. James melted into the luxury and finally relaxed.

He didn’t feel so relaxed now though. It was a little difficult with a maniacal hijacker waving a gun around demanding the flight be re-routed to Fiji. The guy was deranged, the manic glint in his eyes betraying a grip on reality that was about as firm as jelly. The universe his mind inhabited only tangentially related to the physical one around him, and in James opinion, probably only touching in some fairly unhelpful places. For one thing, the guy kept raving about Red Dwarf and preventing the apostasy of Ourobouros.

James was trying to relax, but the pressure kept building. Internally and externally things were building to a critical juncture. He could see the Air Marshal a couple of rows ahead of him steeling himself to take action. There would soon be a breaking point and, one way or another, something significant was about to happen.

It was now or never. The scene was set, the fuse primed, the pressure building to a peak level and, almost in slow motion, the action started. It began as a low rumble. From there it quickly built to a level that caused the seats to start vibrating. That got the maniac’s attention. His head swivelled towards James in astonishment as his bowel released a good hour’s worth of pent-up anxiety. And still the emission grew.

Afterwards, James would swear that he even saw the plane’s wing tips quiver from the force of the gale he was expelling as it reached the climax. A fart so powerful it would register on the Richter scale had it been performed at ground level. A fart that could not be denied. A fart that gave provided the moment of opportunity to save the flight because it was at that point the Air Marshall saw his window to act.

With the hijacker distracted, almost incapacitated by shock, the Marshall tackled him, wresting the gun from his unresponsive fingers and immobilising the offender in one swift and practised move. Never had an opponent been so unprepared for an assault. It was graceful. It was flawless. It was team-work in action.

As the shock subsided, the passengers and crew began a round of applause. Sporadic at first, but building to a dull roar of approval as each person regained their senses. They were saved.

A stewardess approached James coyly, and with admiration in her eyes. “Well done sir”, she said, “is there anything I can get for you”.

“I believe I would like a Martini”, James replied as he gave her a charming smile.

“It would be my pleasure sir”, the attendant nodded, and as she turned to walk away James called out. “And I believe you won’t need to stir it, things should have already been well and truely shaken by now”.

With that, he sank back into his chair, turned to his wife and said, “So Mrs Bond, where shall we ski first when we arrive?”. The smile she gave him back was indescribable.

Generations (Part 4)

The next installment of Generations.  (Part 1Part 2, Part 3).


 

Inch by agonising inch the door swung open as the orderly moved into the room.

Panic caused Jessica’s vision to swim, a blackness encroaching from the edge of her sight. Just as the moment came for her to be revealed, time stopped. Pin pricks of light blossomed to punctuate the rolling fog that engulfed her. She froze. Everything froze. Then suddenly, the pin pricks erupted in a rush of light, eclipsing the sterile surrounds of the pharmacy store and dumping her into a different scene entirely. She collapsed onto a bed of mouldering leaf litter.

 

 

A bird’s call woke Jessica. Fatigued and spent from her ordeal, she struggled to bring her mind back from her dreams. Slowly rolling onto her back, she heard a twig snap under her. “What had she been up to last night?”, she wondered distantly. That twig was doing nothing to enhance the comfort of her mattress, and judging from other protesting body parts, it wasn’t the only one she’d brought home with her too.

Well she’d get to that in her own sweet time, right now she was knackered she decided. In her professional opinion, another couple of hours of sleep was just what she needed to face whatever mess confronted her this morning. As she wriggled trying to get comfortable, the bird called again … which was weird right?

This far into the city, the only real bird life was pigeons. She’d never heard one of those airborne rats sing like this before. And for that matter, she’d brought a hell of a lot of other stuff home with her apart from just sticks by the feel of it.

She opened her eyes and then sat up with a start. She was lying on a bed of mouldering leaf litter. Above her, trees sheltered her from the open sky. She lay in a wood, all she could see in all directions were trees and undergrowth. It disconcerted her. She was used to the sharp lines and defined boundaries of her urban environment, but the unplanned growth of the wood felt confusing and alien.

Where was she? The panicked thought made her jump to her feet. Had the gang found out about her? Had they found out she was preparing to run? Why would they bring her here and just leave her? She turned around quickly, searching for a sign of her abductors. Scanning the area she saw nothing. Surely she couldn’t be alone.

“OK guys, where are you?”, she called. In her confusion she wasn’t sure what she feared most – them being there or not? Picking a random direction, she stumbled forward. It was hard going through the undergrowth. Thick brush clawed at her clothes, scratching her arms, her face, any exposed skin. Deciding she’d rather trust her street cred than her survival skills, she hoped that the gang was behind this.

“Look guys, I can explain”, she called. There was no response. Were they going to toy with her before… The thought trailed off. No, they had a good supply line going with her, this was just to teach her a lesson. “I’ve got leverage on another of the pharmacy staff”, she lied. “Luckily for us he’s got a dirty little side habit that he’d much rather his family didn’t know about.”

She stopped trying to listen for a response, but her heart hammered in her ears. Damn, how was she supposed to hear anything like this. They could be anywhere. Altering her direction slightly she pushed on, the effort doing nothing to reduce her heart rate. The bird called again, funny how she could hear that.

“Just remember that you’re onto a good thing with me”, she tried for the final time. Now she’d shut up. The ball was in their court and sounding like a panicked school girl wasn’t going to help, no matter that it was the truth. She noticed an urgency in the bird’s voice that she hadn’t before. Was that new, or was she more perceptive now? No she decided, something definitely had it spooked. Someone hopefully.

Finally she heard a new noise, a scuffling coming from the bush ahead. A sound of someone moving through the undergrowth, reasonably close. Nothing about it suggested that they were trying to hide their progress and she wondered if she might have heard it sooner if she’d been a little calmer. No matter, she had a direction now.

Moving purposefully towards the sound, she noticed the bird’s song intensify. It matched the cadence of her heart, their rhythms increasing as she wondered who they had sent for her. Most of the gang would be OK. She could handle herself against them – all except Tony. He was definitely a thug like the rest of them, but he also seemed to be able to do a little thinking for himself. Added to that, his instinctive ability to smell a lie was uncanny and was why he was the gang’s top enforcer. It worried her, like training a pack of dogs and finding out that one of them was actually training you in return. She was obviously above them, but then there was Tony. Damn, it would definitely be him.

Suddenly the bird’s song stopped. She wondered for a second if that meant her heart had too, but the pounding in her ears put that thought to bed. The scuffling ahead stopped too. Silence blossomed for a few seconds until a loud roar brought Jessica up short. She stood rooted to the spot as she heard a loud snorting intake of breath that preceded a second louder roar. Then it charged. A black bear barrelled into view through the undergrowth taking a big swing at Jessica, catching her on her arm and opening a deep gash near her shoulder.

The shock hit her quickly, darkness enveloping her vision as she vaguely noticed an almost familiar pattern of pin prick lights form. It consumed her, first the foggy blackness which was then eclipsed by the expanding rush of light.

She appeared on the lawn outside the hospital, collapsing onto the manicured grass. The first bystander to notice her shouted his surprise, and soon she was surrounded by medical professionals who shuttled her rapidly into the Emergency Department.

By the time she regained consciousness, she found herself in a ward, stitches in her shoulder and assorted cuts cleaned with antiseptic. Only this time around nothing intruded on her thoughts as she dropped back into sleep.

(To be continued…)